Bleurghhhh

Literally never been more appropriate than right now.
I swear essays and assignments make me clinically depressed. Either that or going home to have shit said about me, then coming back here to be the definition of a loner. Me and family guy are having so much special time it's ridiculous. In fact it's practically a 50 year long marriage. 
- Good Easter? 
Well I suppose if you ignore the fact that I managed to bump into two exs and someone that can be describe as nothing more than an advantage taker and clearly a little desperate, all in one night. In one club. Then crying on one, pissing off the other and being proposition by the thing we'll refer to as Twiddles not to mention a complete cunt of a bouncer who for no reason other than deep admiration for my 'pissed off look' decided that he would make my night just a tad worse. Oh yeah, then my exs friends spreading shit about me because of course, when you're single you aren't allowed to explore other options, HELL NO. 
Then yes, my easter was peachy. 


Not going to lie, I'm on top of the frigging world right now.
The only thing that could make it better is if a bird came and poo'd on me. 
- Knowing my luck recently that will actually be the case by teatime tomorrow.


An essay, a news story and a project to complete within the next week. Living the dream doesn't cover how thrilled I am.
Yes, I'm whinging. No, I don't care that you don't care.


Bloody hate couples. 
If you wish to copulate, do it in a soundproof room. I am not a guy and therefore gleeful perv whenever someone of the dick persuasion manages to infiltrate some woman's special place. If you can call them a woman anyway..
More likely than not they've grabbed a grapefruit and put porn on very loudly to disguise the juicing process. Genuinely starting to feel ill now.


I should've known that coming back a week early was a bad move. So much for keeping a flatmate company! I'm entertaining myself and a small box I've named Julie. 
Times really are bad. 
I'm considering moving away somewhere new, changing my name and BMI but keeping the same mother. Position of father's still negotiable. 


Yours, Whingey Whingerson
Goose tickler.
Save me. Please. Someone?

essays are the end.

Strange how things pan out really. I meant every word of that last post only to discover he's become one of the worlds biggest wankers. & MacbookPro as much as I love you dearly, when you try and correct "wanker" with "wander" it makes me want to smash you a liiiittle bit. 
It's genuinely turning into more of a freaking lucky escape with the old Courtz. Since he's been at uni the idiot's jumped on the weed wagon, got his pissing nose pierced so he looks like some sort of homosexual bull and adopted the "hanging fag" look. Even my mother's disgusted. Sometimes I full on hate being right. 
Maybe in this case it was a good thing. I've not exactly turned out to be the most innocent kid on the block, won't even try and hide that. 
I've turned into an even bigger of a bitch of a brick wall to argue with lately. Seriously, give me a reason to give you an ear bashing for being a selfish, conceited, disgusting, wankerish cunt, and I'll go right ahead and burst your shit filled bubble. Harsh words, true enough. Unfortunately, there are people that actually fit that description perfectly and have to be told one day. If you're going to pick a fight with me, go ahead pal. I'll give you one. 
One wanker down. Seven billion to go.


Also, not particularly a fan of Bulgarian pedophiles right now. Not since they're vile, stalking, "felt to kiss you" ways became far too pronounced. Seriously, are women not liberated where you come from? Are they not allowed to have a mind of their own or control over anything? Genuinely sickens me that you think you can approach people like that and that you weren't told before just how fucking creepy you are! Love that you can only get the hint once you've full on been told to fuck off. Are men just becoming immune to rejection? Either that or oblivious.
Unimpressed.
Also not impressed when apparently I can't handle rejection, obviously not when I moved on LONG ago & its you that comes crawling back to me? Blatantly can't hack all that rejection I'm getting! 
Fuck off. Cheers.


Definitely should turn this into a morning debriefing of what goes on the night before. Tempted to start backdating. My entire campus already knows what goes on in my life. Why should everyone else be deprived?!


Giant love. 
'KAY.
x

my apology

This isn't to anyone on here, it's just something I need to say but I can't say it to who I need to.


I'm sorry for everything I said after, I'm sorry it ended and I'm sorry I was such a dick about it afterwards. I'm sorry I marred what we had and I'm sorry I didn't stop and think. I'm sorry that this is so late coming, I'm sorry I didn't realise how much it hurts until now, I'm sorry for not telling you all of this. I'm sorry if I've hurt you, I'm sorry if you hate me, I'm sorry I couldn't hack it.


You truly did mean the world to me and I'm pretty sure you still mean a pretty large continent. I know I've been a twat, guess it was my way of not feeling sad or hurt about it. Didn't really handle it all that well evidently. 


I'm sorry I assumed stuff, I was wrong to. 


I miss you. & I'm sorry.


x

Uni Bitch.

Literally am, a uni bitch.
Fuck a duck it's been ages since I came on here. For a start that last post was when I was sucking face with a horse. Eurgh. Things can only get better. In fact they did for a damn good year (: 


Managed to stick it out for a year with Courtney, the darling Billz. Now unfortunately my ex. Shit happens eh? Tbf it was largely the fault of uni that I no longer get to devour that darling bassist. Temptation's a terrible thing, especially when it looks like everything's going down the pan, might as well jump down with it, lets face it.
Just like to point out, I didn't actually cheat on him. Before anyone labels me a complete cow & cheating wanker.


Not gonna lie though, Muslim's that are strangely attractive in the right light are a killer. & also complete shitbags. That sounds bad, but it's more isolated to this particular wang as far as I'm concerned. I didn't even want anything to facking happen at uni! I was happy with the idea that me & Court would carry on, happy as larry and I'd just get to see Bristol eventually. But noooo. Allah's son just had to come on in and screw with my plan.


He's also swiftly on his way out. I can be a dick sometimes, I'll be the first to admit that. Not in an argument perhaps but right now. I'll give you that.


Basically, freshers was amaze. So much alcohol it's untrue. Tequilla's well and truly fucking my life up. Not even kidding, I've done so many dumb things since I arrived in London. I don't exactly regret any of them. If anything it just means I've actually learnt for once in my life! And seriously, that's something of a miracle. 


Deffs happier to be nearer to old friends & made some of the best new ones. 


I'm beginning to sound like an overexcited 13 year old. Not enjoying it. 
Too much has happened to write when I'm this tired, 3 day bender in the middle of term? Can do. But 9am workshops are a fucking killer.


Might actually keep you up to date. Maybes. Depends on the alcohol supply tbf.
Big love.
& a bucket full of soz for being shit in'it.
x

it's only been a month..

okay lets face it, i'm actually crap at writing to this anymore. seeing as it's summer i've had a social life, i've got my ass out my house and seen people (':
only downside to that, being that now when i'm stuck at home i feel opressed and slightly depressed. in fact i'm gradually getting more fidgety and less happy watching crap for half a day. 

as for those that started following me a while ago, i'm going on your pages like NOW. 'kay?

since i last tapped frantically, i've managed to get a boyfriend.. not sure how long it'll last but i'm taking it as it comes and i'm pretty damn happy (: poor guy eh?
OH! got my AS results; BBCCD. not too bad (: biology and english lit Bs, chem and history Cs and Critical thinking: D.
that's right, i PASSED critical shit ;)

this evening i went a tad crazy in the field taking photos. i've neglected that as well lately :/ and seeing as i'm doing a shoot tomorrow it might help..

thoughts?
and please, PLEASE check my deviant art; Reginald Tribianni
tahhh (:

laterssss
x

whooosa.

thank you again to any new followers, i'm sorry i haven't had a chance to follow and so on but for once i have a social life (':

and i'm kinda lazy.. i apologise. but i will SOON!

this post might be a tad odd, just to warn. but it might kinda enforce something to myself if i just write it down?

because, i know things are gonna change, i know you're not going to have time anymore. uni, football, work, family, friends and obviously your girlfriend. 
because i'm not exactly easy to see
because you've treated me like crap i am fairly resentful of being treated like a doormat.

but eventually, i'll get over it.


frankly, your brothers kinda cuter than you, you've been having your cake and eating it effectively, i refuse to be treated like a cocking doormat. i want to be treated how i should and not a lightswitch. i think i deserve better friends than you, and i don't want to be treated as something hanging on a line, i deseve alot better. perhaps not the world, but alot better than you perhaps.

i really think i should be stronger.
i refuse to get upset over you anymore. (:
oh, and fyi. i know when you're lying. so don't bother, 'kay?

and lorna, thank you so much (: i love that you put up with my moaning about him and i love that you care enough to make me realise that neither of us should be treated like shit. 
i love you misses (:
x

eeeeeeeee

HAI!
okay, yes. it's been a stupidly long time since i last posted anything again and granted the last post was an angry rant but hey, the world's not perfect and noone's always happy as larry. 'KAY?
i have a proper reason for not sitting down patiently and tapping out a wonderfully disjointed chunk'a crap. y'see, i've been travelling the UK. and by that i mean i went to Borth, then i went to Devon with one of the best friends and then i trundled off to the most exciting and most anticipated trip to London.

i'm a bit of a freak with the extent of my love of London. however if you'd been brought up in a crappy village in the midlands where the most exciting thing was some woman being mugged then you'd understand why i adore london. granted you have to love busy cities and the tube and weird people but still! god that came out in one long stream of thought.

yuss, woolacombe in devon was lovely, the beach really is so beautiful! yet me and dais managed to ruin it by traipsing across the sand in rollerblades. 
yes. rollerblades. on the sand. and yet no one cracked a smile or a snort or even a disgusted look.
what is wrong with those people?!

urgh. it was good. basically (: and i got funny tan lines (': how wonderful.

then i went to london from sunday to friday and it was possibly the best trip down so far (: finally ventured to covent garden which i've wanted to go to ever since i first went down to the city but never did. purchased a gorgeous david and goliath hoody and a cute top. urm, yeah.. national gallery was fun. basically i do not understand art enthusiasts.
went to rural essex on tuesday, not exactly my choice but hey. got some more colour on my ridiculously pale frame and a few photos which have potential. since i've got back i just can't cba. then got to Kensington on wednesday which was fabulous. i turned into a toff and renamed my mother Jeeves the chauffer. seriously, i'm destined to live there.
it's FATE!
i swear..
thursday was a fantastic day (: Hyde Park and pedalos. i loved it so thank you (:

i really love this photo (: among others of courseee.
then i came home friday. it blowed. seriously, i've always been bummed to leave London but for some reason it was worse this year. 
fingers crossed for uni in London! ahh (:

arriving in Hinckleh made me depressed. i had to go and sit on a swing in the rain for an hour and a half.

i aspire to live in Kensington (:
love i do
x

thanks.

well thank you so much for that. you've told me not to be so sensitive.
put yourself in my shoes and see how you fucking feel! i cannot believe that you think i can switch so easily. i'm not a fucking yoyo.

despite the fact that you're fine with doing whatever, i'm actually incredibly picky and careful with what i do so do not think that that was just a fucking breeze for me.

you're the biggest twat i know if you seriously think that i'm suddenly going to be cheery if you want forgiveness. you can have forgiveness in exchange for you getting some sense and a castration.

congratulations pal. i'm angry, upset and incredibly hurt. 
good work.

p.s. sorry for the rant. just needed to vent. (:
x

riiiight

SO! sorry i haven't written anything for an absolute age i've discovered that dA requires less effort and i don't have to think about what to write. i have an absolutely FAB work ethic, can you tell?
thank you to all the new followers (: i'll have a look at yours soon, i do promise! 
and.. i can't remember what was making me feel ill in the last post to who asked, possibly the thought of food or exercise? i reckon the latter though, i do rather love food as my appearance shows. 

anyway.. FINALLY on my summer break. i have seriously been waiting for this since exam leave. i hate education for forcing us to go back for 5 sodding weeks. in total i think i turned up for 3 of them? general feeling ew and the lack of energy i had didn't really flow with the work we were *supposed* to do? i see no issue with that. i did the same quiz in two different lessons one day. 
c'est le point?

just sent a friends presents off (: hope they like them otherwise that was a crying waste of money. well, one of them it was. the other two were cheap and cheery (':
hope they don't read this now..

i really do feel rather sleepy. i've watched sherlock holmes 3 times without paying attention at all. it seems quite futile. 
OH i went to borth for 2 days (: rained. alot. buuttt i got some gorgeous photos, in my opinion they're gorgeous anyway. please, please please check my dA? they're all up there and probably better presented.

pretty? (:
it's a bloody shame that the breakers in these photos which are actually gorgeous. i mean they're kinda rotting and falling apart but they have character! they're being torn down to be replaced by some crappy concrete thing. i'm so much less that impressed.
had to take as many photos as i could.
need to go back though when they're still there and take more (:

OH and i have a fat rib but that's a whole other story (:
laterssss
x

perhaps..

perhaps this is a good thing, things have kinda been ragging on me a tad and frankly the whole idea makes me want to hurl a tad.
right now the very thought just makes me want to hit you with a spade round the freakin' head pal. i can't believe you think that way! okay. now i'm angry. 

i kinda pity the poor guys in town which i scared with my outburst today.
- granted, i had woken up an hour and a half late, had to run to school only to be bored to death for 4 hours by some "futures conference" which seriously made me question the point of turning up. bloody education!

violence never used to be the answer. but right now it seems kinda appropriate?
SI!

do we like?

oh gawd i'm shaking like a leaf. maybe i should eat something?
nah. i kinda like the thought of losing weight and going on a health kick. my body does not make me feel good.
and my poor legs are gonna hate me tomorrow. walking furiously, tennis and a workout will not make them happy!

love you spoooon (:
x

crack a smile

i don't have an excuse as to why i haven't written to this for ages. i think it boils down to the fact that i'm in love with photography and i simply cba.
despite the fact that i've finished AS education's still trying to plague me by keeping me there another week or two. realisticly i'm skipping the majority of these last two weeks, they're pretty pointless frankly. but anyway. how have you all been?! not that i ever get any replies, but i'm being social.

thanks to the few new followers actually (: 

managed to get out of going to a party tonight. granted it's not really an achievement seeing as i should take as many opportunities as i can, but lorna had a point about a guy being all over me and kinda leaving her on her own. she's my spooner for god's sake. i can hardly leave her (:

in fact the guy bought me flowers the other day 'cause he was a bit of a twat for leaving me when he was supposed to meet me. i think i earnt the "right" to be annoyed about that though. tilton isn't the nicest place in the world.
i actually have so much music that i don't listen to :|
i've finally decided on a course i really want to do at uni! don't want to jinx it though, so y'know. we'll wait and see. 

for christ's sake girl, stop whinging. and stop being a shithead! i'm a pleasant child?
tbh i should get off this and take the opportunity to have an early night seeing as your busy. and i was right about the other night (': why is it when i'm right it's just when i don't want it to be?! urgh.

i cut my hair a tad too short yesterday. it doesn't look terrible or anything, but it's just.. shorter than i've had it for a while. granted with my hair it grows back to the length it was in a few weeks: score!

Photography:

not actually too sure about this one. opinions?

i should go anyway. on a health kick yeahhhhh. 
i'm determined to lose some of my flab, it's making me feel ridiculously shit lately.

oh hello moth. i should close the windows..
t'ra (:
x