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frankly, i just want this whole thing to be sorted and just to go away. i can't help how i feel. believe me pal, if i could i would. i'm pretty sure you know that anyway.
there's just things i don't understand. whether it's for convinience or some twisted reason that you have. then fair enough. but it still stands i find it odd. this circle is boring me. the content is much less than boring, but the fact that it's happening over and over and over again is! guess you know that one too..
personally i think i should just be pointed in the direction of a half decent but preferably blind guy who can just help me get over you! urgh. booness.
lets just hope it's gonna be okay eh? and you can't blame me for wanting to punch you in the head. if you think about that one you'll figure it out. yes i know it's not all your fault, but still. there are so many things i want to say, but if i say them i know you'll flip and i really don't think it's worth the extra arguing. i tire of the arguments and i know you do too.
we suck huh?
however, i pulled the skin off my finger so now there's a huge dip in my finger. but it's healing, it's HEALING! :'D
hrm.. was fiddling with red lipstick and eyeliner yesterday when i was avoiding doing a history essay..
neh, there was another one which i fiddled with on photoshop but it's being a reject. no loss tbh, it wasn't that good but still (:
oh god i have no idea where i'm going with everything. i know i'm not the only one but it just seems alot of people have plans, or safety nets.. or have the capability to do whatever they want. i'm clueless and i'm a little lost right now.
not to mention a bloody big mess inside..
"stop being a cute doormat."
- i wish.
s'later maybe (:
x
infaction's a horrible, terrible thing. there's a reason why i'm starting to hate facebook too. in fact, technology in general is starting to drive me a little insane.
my earphones keep popping and giving me electric shocks, i went over my contract by about 80 quid last month so i'm poor for the next month and a half paying it back and my internet on here's being utterly ridiculous.
it took me at least 5 attempts to upload the photos from friday onto facebook. i was not impressed!
purdy blossom (:
my hand looks almost purple though.. the lighting was a tad off but what can y'do really?
sadly last night i came to a half depressing conclusion of my life. i realised it was fairly close to the one in bridget jones, only mine might become a reality which is a little sad really.
- soon, they'll all be cheery with their boyfriends and girlfriends, in jobs that they want or at least pay well. then i'll be sitting there, fat, ugly, single and alone, working in asda with a cake for company.
the saddest thing about that is the fact that i don't even like cake.
how ironic :/ boooooo.
"take my hand, we'll hide 'till it's over"
- hurumph :/ i love that song toooooooooooo. urgh i need to cheer up.
and revise actually. considering i have an exam on thursday and my biology retake a week today. YAY!
latersss
x
this weekend's started off pretty damn gooooood! ee (':
figured a few things out too actually.. it's been rather fun to be frank:
1) skates are dangerous when you're not wearing them. 2) being drunk helps you make friends. 3) people in hinckley are miserable. 4) i bruise like a peach. 5) going down a hill when you don't know how to stop is a bad idea. 6) watching friends with a jackass makes everything better. 7) i miss the loser.
last night was so good! i had a preminition that i would be standing on my own staring at a wall and being saved occasionally by charles screaming at me for rose. instead i was social. i was SOCIAL. it was so good (':
i think all the alcohol went to my ass. it went numb after the 5th drink. walking was definately an issue.. i'm glad my mother doesn't own facebook otherwise she'd be mortified! she did moan at me for smelling like an alchy.
my favourite photo of the night:
it looks so wrong, but so funny (':
ohhh deary me, this morning i didn't have a hangover but i did have a furry tongue. anndd then i sliced my finger open with rollerblades, then bladed into town with dais.
people in costa know me too well.
and i got mr bump plasters (L).
they're ridiculously cute and cheery. i loveee them!
and now i'm tired and ranting. i'm boring myself actually.
"you're called Wallace!!"
"i know..."
- urm yeah. i wasn't a tad plastered (':
loveeee..
x
you know me too well loser (; damn you for it!
actually, don't.. i rather like it tbh. but you know me too well!
you're crazy and i'm insane. this works? ahaaa (:
just about finished a stupid history essay. i'll finish it tomorrow in critical thinking. sorted.
you think i look good when i look like shit.. are you blind?! ooo, after tomorrow i'm on study leave. i actually can't wait! :'D
i really love this photo!
god my internet's being ridiculously stupid. a mix of internet pmt, work and distractions are keeping me from this blog (': sorry!
"you be a cat lady and i'll be a coffee cup."
- i love lorna (': biology suddenly seems worth the hell.
charles's partay tomorrow night. wayhayyy (; bring it homieee..
love to loserrrrssss!
x
i'm not sure i care all that much anymore.
i don't care if i fail biology. i don't care if i say something stupid and it all falls apart. i don't care if you think less of me. i don't care if you don't like me. i don't care if you think everything i do is wrong. i don't care if i fall into ignorance. i don't care if something goes wrong. i don't care that you think me stupid. i don't care what happens.
i don't care; yet somehow.
i do care if i fail. i do care if i say something stupid and it all falls apart. i do care if you think less of me. i do care if you don't like me. i do care if you think everything i do is wrong. i do care if i fall into ignorace. i do care if something goes wrong. i do care if you think i'm stupid. i do care what happens.
i feel like i'm living in a bubble detached from reality. i'm going round in a trance not quite seeing things. that everyone else is moving somewhere yet i'm standing stock still. i get annoyed over something stupid like dropping olives on the floor or not looking and walking across the road to be beeped by a car and feeling daft. i get annoyed if the internet doesn't work or there's no coffee left. i haven't got a grip on reality. i'm living in my head. i don't like me right now.
i don't like this.
i think my head's going to explode soon. i just needed to get it out. feel kinda alone.
i'm sorry.
x
we did it! me and dais finally bladed down my road and didn't do it too terribly! i have to say, it was a shock. rather a big shock that we didn't
a) die.
and b) die more.
this is because my road's a main road.. and we decided to hop across it to get to another road with a load of closes coming off it. thank god for the gas works churning up my road and there's traffic lights so there's a nice gap between cars swoooooshing down it.
yeah. we hopped across the road with one skate on. we're cool people (; it was damn fun :'D and i did the most amazingly graceful fall on the last time down my road. my legs went a tad too wide and i ran across a grass verge then kinda... fell onto the grass. it was slightly hilarious (':
i enjoyed it anyway :'D so did dais. she likes laughing at me like, alot.
actually we were uber knackered after it. i was pretty much asleep by half 9. ain't it sad how i'm 17 and i'm shattered ridiculously easily.
sadly it lasted until someone said something at which point i was worried, scared and then unbelievably annoyed and angry. urgh, can't stand to talk to them right now.
i hate these bloody feelings! piss off and slap him round the head and face please.
kthnxbai. yes, i think you're a twat right now.
do i have "arseholes accepted, welcome to fuck me around" tattooed on my forehead?
cause blow me it feels like it.
whooooosssaaaaaaa. (:
okay, today wasn't so good, but thanks to my breakfast/lunch combo of an iced gingabread latte i took photos of ice when i was at the crappy museum. the things i do for my bloody CV! anyway. least i got a history essay and biology revision homework done eh?
frankly i think they're rather beautiful (:
"look at me up in the sky, watch the world just pass me by. and all my feelings give me away."
- i do love busted. especially this song. i like relating to things y'know? (:
only a week 'till study leave.. come on! i can do this! 5 more days until i can shoop, shoop, SHOOOOOOOP along my road some more (': and chill.. oh god i want it. i want it now.
and i have a pact with tom for when i'm 30 (': makes me feel better.
jackassss (:
x
never has "thank god it's friday" been so damn appropriate! frankly this week has sucked in terms of education. but today got gradually better! had to finish off my chem mock first and for some bizarre reason i thought it went okay. i figure that means an immenent failure however?
then i had some pointless biology test with the lovely broms. she's more of a stresshead than alcoholics going cold turkey. she gives us tests which i'm fairly certain she's aware no one cares about then moans when we do appallingly.
yes, i got an amazing 9 out of 27 (; seriously. that was better than i expected!
bleh, history 3rd and ben sent me a text expecting me to be free. sadly i have no frees on fridays. ever. unless a teacher's pulling a sicky. they should do it more often!
english lit.. mehhmmmm neh.
then history last. in fact it wasn't bad! did work for about 20 minutes and ranted about revision, main school and politics for the rest of the hour (': i love my history class for distractions. we've perfected it to an art. (;
got my rollerblaaaaaddeessssssssss niggaaaaaazzzzzz!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
x100.
they're not the prettiest thing on the earth, but lets face it. they're blades. they're gorgeous! :'D. got a costa as well cause i dragged charlessss into town (:
getting everything home was hell on a stick. my folder weighs alot at the best of times but with that, a heavy bag and a big ass box with my 'blades in pretty much killed me. i never realised how far away i lived! oh! and the guy in vapour was pretty hawt tbh. compared to the other one anyway. when i got home i was shaking so much. my poor muscles!
there's still a hole in the middle of my drive.
neh, i'm kinda bored but not in the mood to talk. this is weird. *sigh* i think i'm mildly moody about volunteering tomorrow. frankly i cba! wow.. crappy museum for 3 hours.
just no pal. think i'm gonna leave early and venture into leicester with daisypooooo. hopefully.
i liiiiiike this!
barth then bed perhaps? might stop off on msn to see if loser's on. (':
maybe anyway. i might get distracted dribbling over my skates.
"you're so full of it, i can't stand the way you act, i can't coprehend. i don't think you could handle it!"
- yeah. i don't think you could handle me actually? we'll seeeeeeee.
apparently by talking about peni it means they fancy me?
i rather doubt that. like. alot.
anyway. i must go and breathe and dance like a twat. i loveeee that idea!
na'night (:
x
urgh revision. i hate it i hate it i hate it! it's a disease.. a DISEASE! oh dear me.
see, i had a chem mock last lesson today and it spreads over to tomorrow's lesson first period cause the exam's an hour and a half. such larks! ha.
i spent 3 hours. yes, three hours revising today seeing as i had second and third period free and lunch. i swear it hasn't paid off at all :| i tried my best and i still reckon i've failed. hence why i've been frantically scribbling on my hand in the last five minutes trying to figure out what i need to look up tonight. which i did.. and now i kiiiinda understand? i hope it'll be okay. or at least the actual exam'll turn out well! i rather need to pass it (:
unlike biology which is an immenent failure.
yeah, those would be a mere few of my revision post-its which are plastered round my house and on many occasion, my face. i tried drinking coffee with the things on my face and i dribbled everywhere like a complete retard.
yeah, i'm smooooth.
this week is horrible for tests. chem mock today and tomorrow, history today and potentially tomorrow, biology tomorrow, biology mock on monday and tuesday D: whywhywhy?! this is just cruel people.
Elliot Minor in July please? thank you muchleh (':
i love the giant pine cone i got years ago (: i think it's rather lovely.
rollerblades tomorrow! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! like alot. charles is coming with meeeee. my gawd i can't wait (: and costa after. so after a horrible week hopefully it'll end well. despite the fact i'm volunteering saturday and sunday D:
i don't know how i managed to con myself into that.
"i'm naked around you, and it feels so right"
- avril lavigne songs are so good to relate to! only you can see me for me.
complicated lady (;
love to losers.
x
seriously, i just don't have any motivation or any care atm. especially not for cocking biology.
okay, so i failed the january exam with a big fat U. but by giving me 9 hours extra of revision "homework" that's not really motivating me pal. go figure please (:
tah.
long weekend.. gooood. monday night meant an odd kinda' threesome in the form of huddling for warmth. please don't ask me to explain further? it's terrible to try and explain and either way you're gonna think me a tard.
okay, so it's really not that good. but it seems everyone's into the whole panoramic photo fandango so i thought i'd dip my lense in the processing pool.
someone finally pointed out what the pink thing was.. i thought it was daisy's face, but it was actually my finger. who knew?! i think i'm going senile..? i love the fact that nokia does ovi applications! (:
6 months yesterday since Helen went.. miss that hoebag. rest in peace sweet cheeks (: don't be too much of a hoe now (':
i had a nice night last night (: goooood thoughts. ahaaa.
and now i've realised i have lots'a revision to do. now that makes me slightly sad. booooooo :/
charles' partayy sooooon :'D coincidentally on the same day as study leave starts (': i love her timing frankly (L). i need to whoosa alot more.
"mother fucker! where's my biology book?!"
- "it's under your bag jackass."
- completely my bad.
neh, i kinda like you a tad. (:
x
oh my day's been beautifully eventful darlingsss. i finally met up with the tardy charles for the first time in ages! because frankly i've been a dick, so i make up for it in complete retardiness capiche?
costa on a sunday morn, what could be better?!
nothing. that's what (; i did rather forget to get my momma a raspberry thing but meh, i'll get her one next time i take a trip to town (: ended up lugging a barbeque and charcoal back with charles until she turned off down to her road. ah damn, it was a good morning!
then i had to go home and be sociable to my momma's favourites. was nice to see them actually, s'been a damn long while! so yeah, that was good (: i kinda feel out of place when they're here though? it's just that they talk about work and so on and i'm lying there pitying myself for having a sore bottom and taking a levels.. such a sad child am i. :'D
mommy ate a ladybird.
i don't know why i took those.. my ass looked nice? i tend to get bored when i'm trying to find things to do other than revision.
my room's suddenly become very tidy (;
Daisy's rendition of how i fell over yesterday?
- "your legs went too fast for the rest of you.. they sort of splayed out and GAATHHUMMP... you were on your arse!!"
i was crying with laughter for a solid 10 minutes. didn't help when she started going on about her oversized head being perfect for human bowling (;
she's my favourite. kinda.. (':
i do love this photo, i took it ages ago but never bothered putting it up :/ god knows why. stress maybe? i do seem to have inherited my mothers headaches. my gene puddle fails somewhat (':
"pity my broken butt"
- this made me laugh, and considering i said it that's rather sad (':
thank you for what you said (:
night losers
x
rollerblading hurts. well, only if you're an arse like me (': which to be frank i don't mind.
i love dais for the fact that she owns her own rollerblades and my feet are almost the same huge size as hers so i can practise on them while freakin' Vapour take their time on getting mine in.
i'm half annoyed about that but i wasn't particuarly surprised they didn't have any. in fact i made a twat of myself cause i thought the door was locked when in fact it was just a hoe to open. good one roz. uber smooth as usual (;
meh, they're being ordered in (: thats 55 quid spent on them but at least i'm getting them!
proactive riiight?
ah it was shits and giggles though seeing as neither of us have been on skates in years. arch walked like bambi in hollycroft (': when she get the hang of it it was like seeing my child take it's first steps. so emotional! (':
surprisingly i was alright at it, the prospect of having a wobblebottom to land on half comfily helped i think. i can skate.. i just can't stop.
it's fine if it's on a flat bit and there's a strategically placed bit of grass or something, but at one point i was going down a bit of a slope and i either went round the corner or face planted a tree. i took the corner. which was fine until i realised it was more of a slope, then i tried to aim for the bit of grass but couldn't quite make it and kinda went forward on my ass.
my backside's been pushed up: botox for free (;
it was hilarious i'll say that much (': the fact that i hugged the ground afterwards was me just being appreciative.
yeahh, converse are cool. and my obsession's growing. leave me alone ):
made a twat of myself on friday too, i kiiinda left a funny bit in my history presentation, something about peter being sexy and everyone liking vodka for drinky poos. i had to keep my concentration somehow?!
urgh, i keep getting so many headaches lately ): not enjoying this.
why do i have such feelings? they're wasted, and frankly they're inconvienient.
i want to make the impossible, possible.
- boo.
laters (:
x
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