Sunday, 28 June 2009

holy confuddlation.

oh god.
i fear i am a complete idiot.
but i am confused.


i mean, it's so stupid and odd, how one tiny change can make me so stupidly paranoid.
i swear, my brain and my pathetic emotions will be the death of me..
it's like, as soon as you supposedly get closer to a person, they suddenly change something then you're left there thinking, right, so do you still like me orrrr, am i being taken for a twit ?
oh and then you get your brain chatting away despite the blastings of music
holy buggeration ):
life is never simple !

i'm probably making a crater out of a pimple. but still
it worries me. i'm afraid you poor people are reading this, fearing for my sanity probably.

does anyone understand what i mean ?!
or am i simply unique ? ha.

love once more


a flash of inspiration.

ohh yes i am aware that i only posted a post about 20 minutes ago, but i don't give a fig.
i have been struck with inspiration !
largely due to Ronald and his amazing ear sex. best orgasms i've ever had.
that and Cameron and the recent death of MJ.
made me laugh actually. i mean no offence to any of his fans. but if he gets cremated. it won't be ashes. it will be wax.
just melted plastic.
jeeeeez, it's gonna be toxic :|
he started off rather cute as a kid, i must say, but by the end he was begining to resemble a rather shabby Britney.

as i was saying.
this is going back to my recently published post, with my concerns of the poor woman that was utterly blind and clothed in black, in short, the storage container.
according to Cameron, yes he's loverlyyy, but he reckons it's MJ in drag.. and diguise..
it's a worrying thought to be frank.
i mean, imagine if it was ! what larksss :D
in fact the video morph of his face was freaking scary.
it's like, cute kid with an awesome afro, to prat with a nose that's clinging on for dear life, and then the rather transvestite looking feminine features and rather pale and pasty.

pahaaa. maybe MJ and Britney morphed.
holy crap that's a disturbing image :|

arww, Joshua Radin is pure genius (:
his songs are lovely and so so sooo calming
god, if i could, i certainly would (:

myself and Joshua need to see him in concert (Y)
cause we are seriously that cool and that in love with the fool, him being Joshua Radin, not Joshuaa my poker buddy. his girlfriend is lovely (: well, what i know of her anyway, they're so adorable bless them (:

and noww i'm drifting off, and what the smeg am i listening to ?!
ooo, the stone roses - sally cinnamon
hrmm, odd song, not really in the mood for it tbh, maybe waterfall.. thats if i can be arsed to find the darn song
and for some odd reason i can (:
was listening to it walking home from the train station
it made me smile and start dancing like a fool down a main road.
boy i looked fit covered in greenfly.
note, NEVER EVER EVERRRR wear yellow when it's sunny or hot and greenfly are about.
i was attacked, covered and utterly molested by them
plus the bloody train to Leicester was delayed >.<
daft trains.

hidyhi hodyhoooooooo,
i am going to have to text Carl backkk

i also have an idea to write every one of my sexual fandangos in this blog.
however i fear that may be seen as inapropriate or offensive, but the thing is.. people have requested, and i'm not too sure whether or not to obey to public demand.. i think there should be a vote tbh, so, everyone that wishes to hear about fake orgasms, forms of kissing, and shocking explosions, vote aye, those who do not wish to hear about the events in cinemas, vote nay.
sortedd (:
let me know you nymphomaniacsss
the lot of you.

as am i :D

loveeeeeeeeeeeee my face.


oh effing hell.

once again i find myself sitting at my laptop, Harry, at 00:39, there's something about that time i tell you..
i have consumed a bottle of pear cider, first one for a while.
boy am i light headed :D
i am also slightly tetchy.. well when i say tetchy, i mean i'm verging on being entirely stroppy
i have also managed in capturing a boy for my every sexual need.
well, otherwise known as a boyfriend, a sex slave is an entirely different matter, have succeeded in losing poker repeatatively with Joshua so i am therefore forced to give him countless sexual favours in the summer, and have somehow managed to fxck up my hand.
and it hurts. alot.

i really am incredibly and unreasonably tetchy.
i hate actually being aware of that and wanting to stop, but for some reason, inevitably, carrying on as you do. like Hitler into Poland. for god's sake you prick, the polish DON'T WANT YOUR EFFING LENDERHOSEN YOU SADIST.
i really think he was a much misunderstood fellow.
who was entirely homosexual, incestuous and had a fettish for moustaches, lenderhosen, jewish peoples and pidgeons.

i have a strange fettish with hitler i think
brought on by two years solid learning of him and his many wizards by stefaniak babes.
oh yes, two more years of her hair, bring it baby.
even on flipping skype my username is hitlersmisses.
bad idea to tell a friend that in the middle of a film in a cinema, daft bat burst out laughing (:
had a good day actually, with Miriam and Daisy, good film, the hangover, highly reccommend do i (Y)

i am so utterly irritated.
i have no idea why ! well i do.. but it's an utterly retarded reason, ergo does not really deserve to be classed as a reason, it deserves to be classed as utter crap that my bloody brain decided was going to annoy me and now i want to punch my brain and stab it with spoons.
FXCK my hand hurts.
and i did nothing to provoke the pain, i mean, wtf !?

ohh dear.
this bra is killing me.
i don't have much with which to fill it but surely as my current situation, that being of an obese heffalump, SURELY i should have some sort of cleavage. but no. instead i get a pair of nurofen for a chest. God hates me. or at least has decided that some people are more deserving of a decent body.
evilness i tell you.
i mean i love God. why can he not love me back ?
oh i don't know, religion constantly contradicts itself, has the ability to start wars, and then muslims claim jesus was a muslim.
for fxcks sake. i swear he was a Jew !!
then there's the veil things. i swear i'm not racist, but in all honesty, they do worry me slightly.
i saw one woman today when i was in Leicester, and entering hell (PRIMARK) where i could practically hear the poor children's screams coming from the heaps of shitty looking clothes.. urgh. but anyway, yes. we were toddling up the escalator, starbucks in hand, i look behind and its a black blob.
well not really a blob, but you get the image. there was no eye slit or anything !
i mean ffs. was she upgraded from a post box to a frigging storage container ?!
no offence to muslims, i just find the idea a tad obscure. what if she walked into something ?! or over heated ?! i mean seriously, must get a tad warm in there.

apologies for any offence..
none meant.

anyway, i'm still feeling agitated and don't really wanna take it out on Joshua or Cameron, or even Carl, poor thing. daft bad shouldn't smoke tbh.
just feel in the mood to leap gracefully out my window and fall like the obese heffalump i am. my toes are obese for god's sake. no kidding, my big one should go on a diet..

right. i'm off to listen to Ronald in the vain search for sanity
enjoy this hunk of junk (:

love to all my many elves.


Saturday, 27 June 2009


this world is a tad of an odden.
here i am at 00:39, typing absolute tosh onto my blog which i pity anyone that has to read this, largely because i force them to read the effing thing while looking at them through a big beady eye which is not actually attatched to me in any way, shape or form. so basically i am putting them through pain for nothing :D
but bleh, you people seem to enjoy it so i must give in to public demand.
although i do see the latest pictures of tree raping was rather popular.. perhaps i should post them more often :D
we'll see.

oh holy lord, i just tried to move the mouse pointer thingy ma bob by wiping my hand across the screen of Harry, my newly christened laptop (: and when i say christened, i do in fact mean only namely. i did not do some disgusting ritual which consisted of trying to make it shag something... unless playing DVDs or plugging Ronald in counts.. in which case, my laptop is an utter WHORE.
it should be ashamed. but as it's mine, i don't think there's much point (Y)

mais oui..
i have in fact had a rather obscure day..
6th form induction. very odd. very scary. and invoked many daydreams of lying in bed in some disgusting position with fluffy toys covering certain areas of my naked, quivering body, as i am slowly devoured by several hunky men in frog costumes... ahh, i can tell critical thinking is going to be productive for the next year xD
so other than having to get up at a god early hour, at which i was sincerely unimpressed, it absolutely PISSED it down as soon as i stepped outside the effing maths block.
it rained, ALL the way home, which for me is a fairly long way. i COULD have rang my brother, however that would have been a pointless exercise as he's a lazy nerk that manages to make our effing toilet throw an EFFING STROP.
oh that was disgusting.

not only did i look like a drowned animal that was half asleep, after a fruitless trip to the famous ASDA, my bladder called so toddle did i to the loo.
little did i know my brother had emptied half a gallon of god only knows what down the frigging u - bend, and therefore not understood the concept, that if you throw any more than three sheets of andrex quilted (yes, we ARE posh thank you) down the effing toilet, it throws a strop and vomits over the BLOODY BATHROOM FLOOR.
yes, startled was i to see the water slowly rising until, inevitably, it flows over and i start running around screaming "IT'S EXPLODED !! THE EFFING TOILET'S EXPLODED !! HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIITE."
and yes, i did say that (:
my mother was not best pleased. but bleh. it's her house, her effing limescale and hundred year old plumbing :D

ohhh dear.
i also have had a certain guy on my mind all night
name of Cameron, he knows who he is.
hrmm, i do get a tad confused about stuff sometimes..
don't ask why, my brain mumbles to itself and forgets to consult me.
its like government for f*cks sake :|

you me at six is belthing into my lug holes right now
and i have to say, i love them :D
if i could, i would let them have all my babies,
they're completely orgasmic !!

i also have a moth circling my head.. urghhhh, they are pontless creatures, at least butterflies are pretty and are an improvement from the slightly ugly caterpillars they came from.
i found one crawling across my history revision guide when i was revising for the exam, many moons ago, and i shook the page the tiniest bit, and it was like a puffer fish
i swear.
it like curled up and all these evil little spikes came out.
i was like whooaaaaa.

right, i'm going to attempt to get some sleepy booooos in, i missed my lovely lie in this morning because if shitty JCC >.<

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

good lord.

i have to say, i am ashamed to have neglected my blog for such a length of time.
i remember the good old days when it was two blogs a day... ahh... memories (:

ohh today has been a good one (:
ambling about the country side and sorry ass town that is Hinckley.
PAHAAAA £1.89 chocolate gateau ;)
that and the TREE HUMPING ohhh that was good stuff i tell you

myself and Daisy are smegging geniuses when it comes to making nature interesting :D
i mean honestly, if you were in a wood, or a meadow of buttercups and BLOODY THISTLES ahem,
what would you do ? (:
we are merely widely misunderstood creatures who enjoy attempting to hump trees.
not literally, only for the sake of photographic evidence ;)
ohh, if anyone has either myself or Daisy added on facebook, you would understand (:

so yes, we managed to make the best of nature
in an interesting and obscure yet fabulous manner :D
i fear history will never be the same again ):
i'm gonna miss my lesbo.
i love her too much i think.. yet there will be opportunies to reunite thank the lord (:

i bid you all goodnight, as i am feeling hyper and stuffssss
so will spend the remaining hours of this glorious day laughing manicly to myself (:
i'm not strange !
just misunderstood (A)

loveeee you all.


Sunday, 14 June 2009

addicted. ?

loverly coffeee
addictive coffee
orgasmic coffeeeeeee

woww, this way of writing is weird :|

anywayy, yes.
this is the morning after i consumed 7 cups of coffee in a day (:
it was goooood
apart from the fact that i could have set up camp in the loo.
failing that, attatched my funnel and bucket 60 years in advance...
but yeah

i have discovered that i can drink far more than a mere 7 cups
so one day soon, i plan to find out how many i can consume without passing out :D
or end up with a total bitch of a migraine.
last time i had one of those i had to go to hospital ):
urgh, unpleasant memories. although the doctor was a fitty

ohh dear, my room looks slightly like an alcoholics..
i'm not an alchy myself..
but pear cider bottles littered around the place with the addition of a carva bottle make excellent paint brush holders :D
and candle holders actually, well, if i manage to find any candles that are appropriate anyway..
i have run out of inspirational steam i am sad to admit ):
so i shall leave you with the thought of a french orgasm while consuming coffee

oui ouii OUIIII



Thursday, 11 June 2009

end of an era.

today marks the end, of a fabulous two year adventure, full of testicles, badgers, brothel blue prints, and a scary woman with a fettish for Hitler.
today is the finale of two years manic scribbling on the work of Hitler and his many wizards.
the end of mine and Daisy's ventures into the scary issues of our badger haired Stefaniak babes.
end of the orgasmic radiator, name of Jim

boy, i'm an emotional wreck.

both myself and Daisy, the renowned brothel owner, will continue the adventure that is history for a further two years at A level, although we are doing this, it is the end of our adventure together.
you may laugh or snigger and think us rediculous.
but we have been through alot together.
such as the demise of Hitler and the discovery that Stefaniak babes is in fact hoarding Hitler's left testicle as well as his missing tit, it's all hidden in the hair.
we have discovered that she has a secret shrine to him
in the form of many textbooks and teachings of where your clitoris is to be found
we poked and stroked the "hair" and found it was a badger
we gave a whole new vision to the subject of history.

we fear Stefaniak babes will cry and mourn us
she will miss our witty comments and amused sniggers at the back of the room
the mystery of the gigantic gap between our table and the one in front
her rolls will jiggle as she shakes with hysterics as she reads our blogs
our tributes to the ledgend that is Stefaniak babes

she may also wish to kill us
but that's merely a technicality.

i am lucky enough to have the chance to spend two more torturous years with the fantastic butch lesbian man that is Stefaniak babes, as i am continuing my education with increasing dread at JCC, and Daisy and i shall remain in touch with the use of blackberry's and recordings of Stefaniak giving me a bollocking for whatever reason.
she shall find a reason, i am in no doubt of that (:
the good times will continue.

failing that, the institution of pain and torture that is JCC, will be converted into a brothel by myself with the input of Daisy via blackberry, and we shall have the biggest brothel in the Midlands.
we shall offer a range of sessions, a large choice of whores.
myself as top whore will, of course, get to choose my clients and will not necessary work at the brothel of Hinckley
(far too many STD's and ameoba floating around there.)
and so my services will be offered in London, Paris, or wherever the hell i choose (:
ask for details.

mourn the seperation of brothel owner and top whore from history and Stefaniak babes
light a candle if you will and send a prayer to Jesus

we are deserving, i swear


Wednesday, 10 June 2009

on a downer.

as the title suggests, i am not an entirely, chirpy bee at this moment in time.
i pray i shall no witter on about crap
or end up moaning for the queen and all her lesbians.
but still. today and this week has really, not been good :/
i have also forgotten this online scribbling polava, and instead have turned my attention to the wonderful innovation of sleep and giving on of my favourite bum chums ear ache.
he did in fact request that i moan on to him, so he brought the plight upon himself.

monday : i can't remember it.
hang on,

i may have just slept alot on monday...

tuesday : a delightful geography examination :D
oh yes, i have
certainly failed the managing resources with style..
and on top of that, an incredibly pratty, slovenly, lazy bum faced, jesus looking, abusive 19 year old that happens to be some scarily hairy relation of mine. to some, a Jesus wanna be. to me. my brother.
and a hippy. or a student. hmm.

wednesday : oh yes this abismal day has been
full of catastrophes.
firstly, french reading exam. ha. yeah. Rozz has well and truly failed that fandango.
secondly, science exam. fairly easy to be fair, but started thinking of Lee Evans part way through and so my attention was diverted a fraction. not that
BLOODY green fly need much attention. oh yes, attacked by those miniture sods while waiting to enter the sports hall. tah God.
and then walking home, oh yes. rain and a white top with a green and black bra. again. my thanks.
anndd then, inevitably, my brother and his equally perverted, annoying, academically challenged "mate"
aannnnddd then the finale.
Daisy will not be joining me in a further two years of the stefaniak babes, as JC is ultimately crap, and have therefore not allowed her to have the options she so desires.
so yes, i apologise for the ranting qualities of this post, but i really am most completely irritated.

and in addition to the current disasters above, guess which prat has once again been fulfilling my thoughts..
yes, none other than the ex.

ARGH. i feel i am ready to implode.
it is as though every butch lesbian is sitting on me and trying to steal parts of my sanity and use them for pleasure.
disgusting thoughts.
welcome to my slightly disfunctional and disturbed world (Y)


Thursday, 4 June 2009

obscure mind vomit.

i fear i have somewhat neglected my blog on being a complete whore.
apologies, but merh. i've had exams so tough.

well english language, paper 1 was an epic failure.
mrs bailey "oh yes, task 3 is either a newspaper article, speech, or letter."
utter b*llocks miss.

seriously, what the
f*ck was that question about ?!
i started wrting a loverly little story about feeling like a frog in a pool of fish.. i then successfully mutated into a fish and was happily gossiping and playing football with all the other fish.
god i laughed exasperatedly to myself during that
f*cktard of an exam :D
geography.. surprisingly easy, hope i don't speak to soon and end up with a frigging failure. after getting an A* in the coursework, my god will i be miffed if i fail -.-

history.. the ledgendary 2 hour paper 1.. oh good lord i shall miss Hitler and his missing testicle. and boob.
actually found it rather obscurely relaxing, and rather amusing watching a particular invidulator running like the wind to anyone asking for extra paper.
half way through after gazing at the plump, middle aged buffoon jog across the gym for the seventh time, i remember thinking
"run boy, RUNN !" ohh you can tell i was enthralled by the epic failure of Hitler and the rest of the camp gang.
i also recall one daft woman invidulator who brings a new meaning to the phrase "walks like an elephant"
the gym is not the quietest room for obvious reasons, but does she
honestly feel the need to clump across in granny sandle things, the dodgy heavy rubber themed clod hoppers.
i thought a storm was brewing as it grew louder. urgh.

on other subjectsssss

my internet is being a complete and utter
tard. so this post will inevitably be posted, roughly 6 hours after i have actually attempted to post it.
i am also feeling mildly depressed. not a great feeling in all honesty. makes me want to cry. alot.
and i have chanel mascara on, so tears are simply
not an option, however tempting they may be.
being soothed however by the noise emitting from ronald's new earphone interest, now "melon green" whatever the hell that colour is..

Hinder - loaded and alone.

i love this song (:
in fact i love Hinder altogether. their music is orgasms through ear drums.
better than sex ? it could be.. less self consciousness.. hmm.
we shall see..

pahaaa. ew.
looking at myself in the mirror is currently an incredibly horrific sight.
i am an interesting variation of a rainbow, red + brown thighs, brown / white shins, patchy red feet, brown face, arms, shoulders and chest, red + white scalp..
i mean seriously, i feel like a stick of rock.
one day me and the sun shall be at peace, possibly when i'm dead, burnt, and floating about contributing to pollution, what a wonderful thought for ten past 11 at night.
this is when i am incredibly knackered, marginally depressed, and tempted to scream out the window..

roll on summer (L)