i'm not asleep, i'm not awake

i'm not sure i care all that much anymore.

i don't care if i fail biology. i don't care if i say something stupid and it all falls apart. i don't care if you think less of me. i don't care if you don't like me. i don't care if you think everything i do is wrong. i don't care if i fall into ignorance. i don't care if something goes wrong. i don't care that you think me stupid. i don't care what happens.
i don't care; yet somehow.

i do care if i fail. i do care if i say something stupid and it all falls apart. i do care if you think less of me. i do care if you don't like me. i do care if you think everything i do is wrong. i do care if i fall into ignorace. i do care if something goes wrong. i do care if you think i'm stupid. i do care what happens.

i feel like i'm living in a bubble detached from reality. i'm going round in a trance not quite seeing things. that everyone else is moving somewhere yet i'm standing stock still. i get annoyed over something stupid like dropping olives on the floor or not looking and walking across the road to be beeped by a car and feeling daft. i get annoyed if the internet doesn't work or there's no coffee left. i haven't got a grip on reality. i'm living in my head. i don't like me right now. 
i don't like this. 

i think my head's going to explode soon. i just needed to get it out. feel kinda alone.

i'm sorry.
x