Friday, 17 July 2009

an event of a lifetime.

something utterly amazing happened today.
after i had returned home from the imense wallpaper perving at B&Q and the mosey around Hinckley with Daisy, boredom struck as boredom embraced me and Daniel Ratcliff's appalling acting in the Chamber of Secrets began to irritate me slightly, i decided to fiddle with my lovely long, slightly gingerish locks.
and, miracle of miracles, IT STARTED TO BEHAVE ! |:
i was utterly dumbfounded to find, that my fringe, actually decided to pay attention to me and obey my 200 degree straightners.

so not only do i have pretty eyes due to excessive use of kohl, a lovely diet of yoghurt and ryvita and phili, i have finally got a fringe that looks pretty darn fine !
it's take me many years to find a fringe that doesn't make me look like an escapee from the horror that is Jane Eyre. that book will be the bloody death of me, i kid you not.
having said that, i have persuaded my mom to buy me the latest in the Louise Rennison collection, so i have some form of sanctity when i tire of Jane and her pathetic little world.
Charlotte Bronte must have been inconcievably bored and depressed to actually write such a pile of drivvle in my opinion.
the first time someone read it, they should have said, "Charlie my dear little turd, you write complete and utter bollocks and you give a bad name to good novels. from this day forth, you will be known as an utter arsehole for making many millions of A level english lit students suffer."


how am i going to survive this horrendous feat ?
i shall tell you how.

with a large doseage of history A level with the glamorous Stefaniak babes, a good few hundred shags in the brothel that is soon to be JCC, and an epic pig out with Ben and Jerry.

this will of course when i have been transformed from a fatty due to lypo, as being a top whore and earning the top sallary, i will be able to afford. so as soon as i've done away with B&J, i can have them sucked out of my rapidly growing body :D
my life is sorted.
all that's left to do is have ninja babies with Tom, get to 30 to finally have my secret and erotic fantasies performed, and finally turn JCC into a fully legal and opperative brothel by the end of 2011.
if you wish to contact the brothel in progress, you can call 01455 632182.
i'm sure they will be willing to answer any questions you may have (:

right, i must go back to my darling book, as my foot has gone dead while iive been typing this absolute drivvle.
having said that, i do hope you like it, i spend many hours pouring over my beloved blog, and aware as i am that a fair few posts are utter tripe, i write it for the needs of others. and my own really :L




  1. the last part, same.

    but NO! you´re wrong. i really enjoyed Jane Eyre. Well, a little. Well, ok, just a bit.
    But still.

  2. Go and see Jayne Eyre the musical, thee most entertaining night of my life:o spent the whole time crying with laughter as they said a lot of inappropriate things, that were obviously appropriate back then i.e. 'dear Jayne, i shall need you on the night before my wedding'
    oh lord that was hilarious:L

    besides, reading the book gives you a class to sleep in :D



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