Wednesday, 15 July 2009

insanity ? perhaps..

now you see, last night i was not only marginally depressed but i was also extremely bored. this was mainly due to a distinct lack of a working internet, as tiscali fails yet again to provide the service we EFFING PAY FOR. ahem.
but yes, pushed to the brink of madness and the world of which i am entirely familiar, i decided to skip merrily over the threshold and enter the world of which many residents are regular sex slaves of mine.

lately i have been watching the fabulous sweeny todd. it is the inevitable charm of
"ladies and gentlemen, may i have your attention perleaseeeee ?"

an obvious and very typical reply to this, this being the reply i was giving myself while singing the same line repeatedly for roughly an hour before i moved on to an incredibly riveting conversation, yes, with myself, pretending to be both sides of the conversation. only this was "with" Sebastian. interesting.

anyway, my reply to this was, "of course not you little turd, what do you think i am ? a frigging jelly that has no sense of smell and has a desire to grow hair from piss and ink ? or rather "pirelli's miracle elixir"
i mean in all honesty ! actually the kid singing it was rather adorable.
the kinda kid you just wanna hug and watch them suffer as you lump the poor sod with barbies at the age of 8..

i have never actually done that so i can't really say it's an enthralling experience, but i urge you to try it :D
so yes, i had a good hours worth of entertainment humming parts of the elixir song to myself, and lobbing replies at the screen of my laptop which was probably playing some form of Harry Potter film. i'm sorry, but the acting really is an abomination. so Daniel Ratcliff and whoever plays Ron, who i think looks vaguely attractive now tbh.. my tastes are a tad obscure, i shall admit.
moving on from my declaration of love to Ronald babes, and from sexy sweeny. he can give me a shave any timeee.
i then proceeded to have the most intriguing conversation with myself about and to Sebby.
although it was really myself doing both my side and his of the conversation, so everything went my way and i got what i wanted and we had many sexual fandangos and a kazillion children.
i have to say though, i reckon a wasp sting is possibly more painful than childbirth. i can't say for certain as my conversation with myself last night didn't include the pains of labour. but bloody hell my foot swelled when some little sod of a wasp decided to go on a PMT rampage and ravage my innocent foot with it's effing buttocks.

god. if only i was a wasp.
i think i'd be rather nice actually. obviously i'd have to be the queen and therefore get all the men to do the work and basically shag whoever i fancied. so it would just be a big swarm of Sebastian wasps. even though he's a twat and tosser and i'm irrevocably obsessed. christ i need help. either that or a big muscley manly type man to come and sex me. i swear i'm not a nymphomaniac y'know..
but yes, i would be a rather pleasant wasp, i would not force my unwanted sharp butt cheeks on anyone less deserving than utter chavs, that or people who try to hit me. i think that's rather harsh. all i'd want to do is buzz around, surveying my territory and eating other girl wasps cause i'd be so much better and rule supreme.

i think i may have to leave you and continue to consider reincarnation as a wasp..

arrevedeci !


1 comment:

  1. Perhaps? For certain!
    You'd make a good lil wasp, methinks :)
    And Ronald? I would....
    I think your mind needs to be cleansed of Sebness - as I have little to do right now, I may just see if I can prescribe you a crystal to help with it :)


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