smeg smeg effing smeg.

i know before i said i had rejected the idea of being depressing.
but the thing is, i'm so utterly hung up on Sebastian i don't know what to do anymore ):
i have no explanation as to why i am so.. obsessed.
i just want him.

it's irrational yet it makes sense.
it's rediculous yet human
it's pointless and upsetting yet.. no. there isn't a yet for that one.
had to think long enough for the second bloody one.

ARGH !

i don't know what was good about him
well, maybe i do. but i don't at the same time.
i feel myself spinning into an absolute screw up of a life, i think i need therapy and JCC to turn into a brothel so i can have any sense and the irrational thoughts shagged out my mind.
unless of course, i get Elliot as a client, in which case i'll contract AIDs and therefore die, with the thoughts of Sebastian still running round my noggin.
although on the plus side, i will have infected the majority of Hinckley with AIDs and therefore will be thanked for the mass wipe out of Hinckley peoples.

i just feel completely bleh about it all ):
i want him back and i've already lost what little pride i had remaining, by telling him that i still liked him.
in all honesty.
i'm just utterly miserable.
i'm so sorry for going on, i just.. yeah.
i'm gonna stop now as i'm turning into an emotional wreck :/

x